Waiting for a Train, Perhaps

It's hard to express how grateful I am for the changes that have occurred in me/my life in the last couple of days (it's been a while since I blogged, no?). You see, this past Saturday, I managed to work myself into such a depressed state that I was convinced this whole semester would be something akin to a complete waste--an utter failure. I became self-conscious over the smallest of things and my host mom could tell there was something wrong, as I remained almost entirely mute for the evening (she asked if it was homesickness, then gently suggested I cheer up before she left the house for the evening, and I all but burst into tears as soon as she closed the door). I was just totally in despair. I did "cheer up" in the next couple hours, talked with my host dad and sister, and showed them all the pictures of me in my yukata (kimono) from earlier that day. But as I confided in a friend over Facebook, the "problem" just wasn't "solved" and I was anticipating a total mental breakdown like I'd never experienced before. But then someone prayed. And another person prayed. And I slept for probably 10 hours.

So then it was Sunday. I went for a run, took a shower, had breakfast, read my bible, went out to the local Starbucks with my homework and was delighted and amused to hear some really old American oldies playing. I came home and had a delicious lunch with my host mom, went out again to meet some people at the Hirakata-shi station to go to a soccer game, and got stood up. And then I did something I hadn't been able to bring myself to do since I arrived in Japan--I hopped on a train to Osaka, all by myself.

(fresh off the train--now what?)

Now, I don't know when exactly the change occurred that made it possible for me to brush off such a "slight" (although it's not really their fault--communication is just difficult here) and get excited about doing something like this alone, since I had been so wanting of company, but things only got better from there. Found some nice British people to direct me to Osaka Castle, FOUND the castle (without making any wrong turns), climbed a tree, took some great pictures (even though I forgot both of my cameras and had to use my cell phone), sort of wrote a poem, and found a friend to meet me at the castle.

in the tree :)

Osaka-jo!

 From there we wandered around Osaka, took wrong turns, asked for directions, and finally got to Shinsaibashi, one of the huge shopping districts in Japan. Once there, my friend was able to show me around (having been there before) and took me to an all-you-can-eat dessert buffet called "Sweets Paradise". After that we ended up at the river (can't remember which one) and I was pleasantly surprised to discover that we share a faith. A Christian faith. And in the blink of an eye I looked back through my whole time here and realized that I shouldn't have been surprised, that if I had been God-centered and of what I would call "sound mind" from the beginning, I would have known right away that this was a person I could trust. At one point, as we sat in silence, I said, "I just keep thinking...the world is a strange place," to which my friend responded, "I was just thinking that it's hard to find good friends." But I guess we did.

Maybe this all sounds fairly mediocre, but I believe that God provides. All the time. As a good friend from school back home posted on Facebook today, "God speaks every language, lives in every country, and doesn't need an exchange rate to provide for our every need."

This morning, I woke up to read "Confidence in the Troubled Times" as the title of my daily devotional, then, "Regardless of what today may bring or the trouble you are now going through...your God is stronger than anything in your life. So, be confident!" I mean, wow. There have been numerous messages like this "sent" to me throughout the last month, but now I believe they are finally starting to hit home. And for the first time in about ten days, I wrote a prayer, this morning, that was not a cry for help or one of anger and confusion, but of thanks and hope. That is one good feeling, lemme tell you what.

So naturally, I had a great time going to Kyoto with my speaking partner today to meet his friend for lunch (she even skipped class to stay with us longer because we were late!). And there's probably a lot more I should write, but I just took a break from writing this to go eat dinner (definitely gonna have this food baby that's been growing in the last two days) so I kind of lost my train of thought...

(view from the train to one part of Kyoto)

Anyway. Life is good. I know it still won't always be happy, but I feel a lot better about everything. So thank you to everyone who is "on my side" (there's actually a word for those "type" of people in Japanese that is escaping me right now, but that's pretty cool, right?) and has been praying and who loves me and maybe hasn't told me in a while :) Blessings on you all, and I'll be sure to write again soon. There may also be some fiction (and more poetry) brewing in the near future, another sign of "healing" I believe :)

Over and out.