Psalm 139 East: Post for Tuesday 11/5

More pictures later. Maybe.

What is there to say after reading 200 pages of a Japanese novel in which the main character deliberates on whether or not he should kill his own child, so as to “proteect” him from a “vegetable” life? Not only that, but the story may or mat not be based in reality...the baby lives, of course, but to be left wondering which thoughts were real, which created...the power and mystery of words is a scary thing.

But what about this morning? Nobu delivered a very moving sermon on God's plan, and his (our) inability to see His work in our life sometimes. I'm very grateful to Darryl for translating today—I hope I can find a way, or God will show me a way to thank everyone at this church for welcoming me, teaching me, loving me...so many people have been such a blessing, and God has given them so much wisdom...I am speechless.

As a writer, of course I am particularly irritated by being at a loss for words; a friend has also speculated that perhaps I write because I am afraid of stumbling over words in speech, in the world of the impromptu. Am I afraid of the unknown, of not having a plan? I wonder if everyone is. But then I go and introduce myself to an American (?) street performer in Osaka station—a single guy with a guitar, in the midst of hundreds of Japanese people—with the hope of forming some spontaneous-yet-fateful connection. And what about these morbid desires my friends and classmates have had to jump across train tracks and off of bridges? Do we really only expect to fly?

The human mind must be a strange place. I say “must” because I don't believe I have been “there”. But we compartmentalize what we learn in the strangest, usually most self-centered fashion, and prioritize things like Facebook and free-reading and sitting watching TV in a language we don't really understand with people speaking that language before school projects that our grade depends on...at least, I do. And sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to tell what is important while it is happening. I want God to make the path (and shed light on it), but I don't want to float through life waiting for or expecting something to happen.

So where does that leave us? Well, I don't know about you, but I'm still here. Speaking with Japanese students, the Teku Teku ramen guy (Keita), my host family, Japanese church-goers...it's all improving my Japanese, I know, but I think I realized something that bothers me. I seem to be more confident about speaking in Japanese when I'm with a ryugakusei whom I think is less skilled than me. Even if I blunder my way through the conversation, I'm okay. But if the nihonjin I'm talking to speaks really good English or starts to get frustrated explaining something to me, I clam up. IN the first case I'm intimidated—as I also am in the company of ryugakusei who are better at speaking Japanese than me, or act like it—and in the second I suppose I'm shamed into silence. I hate both of those situations. I keep telling myself I'll try harder to speak, try harder to understand next time, but some days I just retreat father into myself as if I have no control over it...

Anyway. Let's move on.

This weekend KG had their international festival (INFES), at which I saw some cool dance performances, ikebana, a choir concert (ryugakusei and nihonjin), a sweet geijitsu tenrankyo, and also did a lot of homework...but mostly I ate a lot of good new food, and decided that yakisoba is probably my favorite, and soybean-flavored (kinako) things are actually pretty good.

Also, the suburb-ish place where I live was hosting it's annual “music picnic” in various places, especially the train station, where my my host sister and her middle school chorus club performed (and I'm pretty sure they're way better than any choir their age that I've heard). AND, as I write this I am watching Rakuten win the World Series of Japan (basically), which has been going on the last few days. I'll just say that it's fun to watch my host parents get excited about baseball on TV, even though I normally would not watch it for more than 2 minutes. Also watching my whole family try to do Obaachan's crossword is great.

Man this weekend was packed! I also watched HP7 Pt. 1 on Friday as part of the weekly “marathon” that 's been going on this month, leading up to the opening of the HP part of USJ, which I may or may not go to this semester. So many things to do, but now that I feel like I'm getting somewhere again with my host family (Mom helped me with my entire Japanese presentation that I have to give on Tuesday* for like two hours, and I told her more about me and my life in the process ^_^) Fun, and I'm learning. Ichi nichi, ichi nichi...

I forgot to mention Halloween—which was actually on the 30th at KG—sweet costumes all over, some came to my Japanese class to chat and share candy with us, and after class/the contest I went to Teku Teku with my friend Kanako, who brought her friend Natasha (a Californian who has been living in Japan for 2 ish years and is probably the only white person on the other campus; no English lecture classes, sooo...yeah. She's pretty legit).

Oh! One more thing. The day before this, I finally went to Dr. Edward's English class again (for Japanese students), and had the experience of explaining, on the spot, the difference between complex and complicated, to which everyone responded with a knowing “Ooohhhh”. Talk. About. Fulfilling. Maybe I SHOULD be a teacher...

Anywho, next on the list is Osaka kaiyuukan tomorrow*, Nara sometime this century, Hieizan on Saturday, more filming on Wednesday morning (this movie may be the death of my sanity, because editing is a black hole and I still need more info/research) annnnd oh yeah—donuts, coffee, and anime in my Japanese class tomorrow. Winning.

Kei-chan out.

*Presentation went pretty awesomely, although I didn't know how to answer their complex-ish questions, and kaiyuukan was pretty neat, but maybe a little too expensive and we left later in the day than I planned...but I spoke Japanese with Seiji pretty much all day, and then with my fam that night. Today was pretty much the opposite, spending three more hours on my film and generally being a hermit...but I watched the first half of a cool movie by Spike Lee called “Do the Right Thing” in Edwards' class today. Maybe someday I'll finish it.

Peace.
(And here are some aquarium pictures...I finally have my own photo of the derpy whale shark! I'll put up Japanese names eventually.)